Boundaries

Many born Jews are fascinated by people who would convert to their faith. They might be in awe or inspired; they might be dumbfounded, wondering why someone would choose this path. Many are curious about the candidate’s story. They often ask very pointed questions about a relative stranger’s spiritual journey without really knowing them. Some are even wont to ask a male candidate if they are circumcised. All of these questions are inappropriate. Candidates should feel empowered to keep their story to themselves and not feel compelled to share their story with a relative stranger at a shul kiddush while getting a second helping of cholent. The stories of conversion candidates are inspiring for born Jews and, indeed, inspiration for the rabbis involved in conversion. Too often candidates feel like they must be an open book to Jews in order to integrate. These are relationships and relationships require mutuality and respect. Such mutuality can lead to deeper and lasting relationships rather than feed innocent yet fleeting voyeurism and curiosity.